I’m writing this post through voice text on my WordPress app while pumping. It’s 8:30 am and my students will be arriving in about 15 minutes. During my commute to work I couldn’t stop thinking about life lately and all the setbacks that I have experienced in the last few months. The last few months have been the happiest of my life, but also some of the most challenging. It seems like there’s been one thing after another – my fall while running that injured my knee, my struggles going back to work, milk supply and baby weight gain issues, my period returning and the stomach bug dropping my supply even more. I feel like as soon as things start going well and I get into a comfortable place, something else gets thrown at me. I was (and still do) get very down about these things at times. But I know the reason why they are happening is to teach me a lesson. I have always been an extremely Type A person. I like things planned and organized and I want things to go my way. I think that’s obvious here on the blog by all of the training plans I create and the races I sign up for. I’m learning that I cannot control everything, and this is so important to realize as a new mom. I think this is just the first of many lessons of motherhood. I am learning to let go of expectations and plans and not stress about things I can’t control. This sounds silly and obvious but it’s hard for me. It goes against my personality and everything I know.
I know in the grand scheme of things that the issues I’m having really are not that bad. I know it could be so much worse. I’m just reflecting right now on the lessons I am learning from all of these setbacks. I am learning to let go and accept not being in charge. I have to stop feeling guilty about not being able to provide enough breast milk for my baby. I have to accept that he needs more than I can give him and formula is ok. I need to get over the fact that I have to work and can’t stay home with him. I have to move on from the idea of running a full marathon right now when my body isn’t feeling 100%. I need to understand that when I make plans many times something will come up and I’ll have to change them. Most of all I need to realize that this is not something that’s going to go away and I need to get used to it. There are always going to be things that are out of my control, even when I try my best to avoid them. This post may not make much sense at all, and I’m not even going to reread it before I publish it. It’s honest and it’s raw and it’s just what’s on my heart right now. I hope some people out there can relate.
Being a new mom, full-time teacher, wife, daughter, sister, friend, etc. is EXHAUSTING! (I forgot blogger!) It’s overwhelming and HARD. I completely, completely understand where you’re coming from.
I struggled to be my pre-baby self post-baby. SO many things change when you have a baby and I found it hard to reconcile some changes – like you.
Just know that you DO come out on the other side stronger and better. But these times are hard, no doubt. I’m glad you have the blog as an outlet for your feelings and thoughts. Instead of writing, I cried
Thanks Becky. I keep telling myself everything happens for a reason and all of this will make me a stronger mommy in the end- just like you said. Thanks for your support!
I’m right there with you. I’d love to say it gets easier but I don’t know if it really does. I do feel like I got more confident as time went on. Now 19 months postpartum I do feel a little better saying to myself “you are making the right choice”. Hang in there Katie! Keeping telling yourself you are doing an amazing job balancing all that is on your plate!
That is what I’m looking forward to- the confidence that I’m doing what is right rather than always second guessing myself! Thank you Jordan!
life is full of unexpected things, some good others not so good. For te well being of you and your family, being flexible is so important. that’s why I never plan things into details because then ill get disappointed if things do not turn out as I planned. go with the flow and you’d get beautiful surprises!
Thanks Coco! What you said is so true. I am slowly learning to be more flexible and not set up any expectations that lead to disappointment.
I so appreciate your honesty, I understand exactly how you feel–I’m dealing with an injury right now and 3 kids that are unpredictable and sometimes it’s just HARD. I can just tell that you are a wonderful mommy and remember–the days are long, but the years are short. Cheesy, I know, but I find comfort in those words.
Renee- I feel bad complaining because the fact that you’re juggling life with 3 young boys (and not being able to run much for stress relief) is amazing! Thank you for reminding me of that saying- I don’t think it’s cheesy at all. That is just what I needed to read right now. I think I’ll put it on a sticky note on my bathroom mirror to remind me about what is important every morning when I get up